I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
