The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize