omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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