Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
