Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
