he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
