it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
