it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
