This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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