so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
