walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize