I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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