i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am one with the molecules
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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