Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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