This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
