I CAN MOONWALK!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
