I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need a burrito and a hug.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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