somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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