I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize