I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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