well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize