I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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