see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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