no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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