are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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