talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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