There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
