Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
