he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
