so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
