someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
