i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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