i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
