he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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