But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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