he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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