And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
