I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
