I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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