I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
