i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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