Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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