dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
