you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
