I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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