Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
