My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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