took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
