walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
