she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
