so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize