I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
