you guys were way drunker than both of me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
