I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
