...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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