It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
