All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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