but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
