We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
