Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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