i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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