Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
