please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
