Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
