Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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