well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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