this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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