how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she woke up with a sticky ear
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
