Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
