I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
