they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
