She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
