please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
