Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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