The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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