Your mouth is God's brothel.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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