We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
