A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
